I Did It!

The Fuse was awesome tonight. Service was good, but post-service was... well, it was God.

See, lately, I've been doubting so much! Like, is this where I want to go? What is my life's grand purpose? Really, what  is my passion? Usually when people ask me that, I say its dance, because that's always been my auto-pilot response. But lately I've been really doubting the truth of that response. What IS my passion? What do I want to do? Many times in my life, I have wanted to dance before the Lord in worship, but I never do for fear of looking weird, or even not wanting to distract people.

Let me backtrack a bit... Recently, our church has just exploded in worship. There's a new freedom to worship exactly how you want to worship. There's a guy named DJ & his way of worship is dance. I'm not talking about swaying side to side or even simply jumping up & down. I mean full-on krumping. Hands, arms, feet going crazy for the Lord. Seeing him be able to really, fully worship like that reopened the desire in me to do the same in dance. Last night at the end of his sermon, P. Nick just wanted to get into worship because as he was speaking, God was telling him 3 words: "Never the Same". After being in the presence of God, it is impossible for you to be the same - a change has to be made. Troy & I led worship for a while, and it was good, it was probably the most flowy (if you know what I mean) we've ever been. We worked as a team & allowed God to take over. But I was getting frustrated. It's hard for me to focus on singing, focus on playing the piano, and focus on God all at the same time. I wanted to just worship. P. Nick prayed & dismissed anyone who had to leave. After that, everyone kind of just didn't want to leave His presence. We wanted a "Never the Same" Experience. We put on some worship from Kim Walker & Jesus Culture and one by one, all the lights were turned off until it was Morning Prayer Black in there. As people prayed and worshiped and danced and sang and shouted, you could just feel Freedom entering the room. It was beautiful to look around & see all the ways people worship God. And as I was able to just worship, no microphones, no piano, no sheet music, I did it. I danced. And it was the best worship I've ever had. It was the quickest entrance I've ever made into the presence of God. My gut feeling about dance in worship was right, this whole time! It was almost a scary thing to know that, yes, this is what I was made to do. Just 30 seconds of dancing before the Lord re-ignited 2 years of lost passion.

So dance, scream, shout, skip, sing... whatever YOU have to do to get into HIS presence.

1 Year!

Yesterday, August 7th, Santos and I celebrated our 1st year together. It may not seem like a big deal to everyone, but to us, it means so much. Neither of us have been in a relationship like this before, and it's not easy, but we are always learning more & more.
He took me to Benihaha's in Burlingame. He brought me flowers & we just had such a good time being out together. He looked fiiiine, too :)

So, Happy Anniversary Santz! Just the first of many.

Friday night update

Well tonight me & Beena took the reigns for The Fuse Bible Study. I was a little nervous about it only cause this week was pretty booked & we couldn't get together and I barely even had time to study. But at the same time, I wasn't that nervous cause I know God is on the move lately & the night would go however He wanted it to.
To open up, we did sort of a Reality in a Box, but just switched up a bit. Erik & Anthony helped us out - we all gave a really condensed version of our testimony; the areas where we struggled to attain purity. Whether it was mental, sexual or spiritual purity or purity of the heart, we all shared with passion. I went on to explain the reason for sharing the impurities in our lives. Anything we think or do that is contrary to the Word of God creates impurity in our lives.
For altar call, we did a song called Start A Fire. It was cool that we did that song; I hadn't heard it in a long time, but I've always loved that song. I was singing by myself, just me & piano. Part of me wanted to be nervous cause I don't like to sing alone, but God is helping me learn to rely on Him in worship times just as much as I would in any other situation. So I decided to relax & enjoy the song I love so much. As I did, God reminded me of one of the lines in the song - it says, "Burn away the dross, holy fire of God." I remember the 1st time I heard that song, I didn't really know what that meant, so I decided to look it up. I'm glad I did cause it came in handy tonight. When transforming gold from earthen mineral to precious metal they place the mineral form over a flame & just keep turning up the heat. When they do this, all the impurities come out. They have to come out, they have no choice. Dross is all the impurities that are burned out, so that the gold becomes more precious, more perfected. I shared this with everyone, and after that, I guess I felt more... prophetic? I don't know, something kind of changed.
Anyway, it was just a great night. Thank You, Lord!