God Is God

God is God, and I am not

I can only see a part

Of the picture He's painting

God is God and I am man,

So I'll never understand it all

For only God is God.

These are some of the most impactful and memorable lyrics of my whole life. They come from a song called "God is God" by one of my favorite artists, Steven Curtis Chapman. 

When I was a freshman in high school, my grandma was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor called a gliboblastoma. It was terminal, and there was nothing the doctors could do to save her. It was so painful to watch her regress into a little girl, trying to remember and relearn how to do basic, everyday tasks. My mom was her main caretaker, and wow, did it take a toll on her. My whole family was visibly hurt by my mom's absence.

The doctors performed a brain surgery to remove the growth, but there was no way to reach the root of it & take it out entirely. So, with the roots still intact, my grandma was her normal self for a few weeks. But the tumor would not relent, and soon she was back to the little girl trying to remember and relearn. My grandma Isabel passed away that year. It was one of the hardest years of my life.

We would take her to hospitals that were quite a distance away - I think Redwood City?  I remember so vividly - one late night we were driving back home from the hospital. My grandma was spending the night in the hospital so it was just me & my mom in the car. The song "God is God" started playing. My mom began to sing and as she did, tears started streaming down her face. She didn't have to explain anything to me. See, the song is simply about a person going through something incredibly tough. And although they can't see all the answers or understand why God does what He does, the person is still giving God the permission to intervene and the honor that says, "Win or lose, we praise Him."

This song will forever spark immense emotion in me. My mom was a picture of Christ to me that night. No matter what happened to Jesus -  "Not my will Father, but Your will be done..."

We cannot understand the ways of God. We cannot always know WHY. But we must have the faith to say that God is God, whether I can see the big picture or not.